I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
