for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
