Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
