I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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