I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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