I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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