There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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