forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
