your thong is hanging out like whoa
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
