I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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