You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
