someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
