Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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