sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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