I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
