Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When are your genitals available?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
