So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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