This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
