Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
