Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
