I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
