I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
