you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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