My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
