you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
