Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize