I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
