chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
