My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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