ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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