I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
