just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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