pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
