I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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