I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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