The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
