I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
