Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
