I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
