I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
