I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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