it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
