Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
