I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
