I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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