I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
