I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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