i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
