Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
