Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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