I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
did you just send me my own nude
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
