I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
