we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
