If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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