Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
