my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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