Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
