I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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