is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
