he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
They have beer where we have blood.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
