I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im drinking this country out of the recession.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
