Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
