I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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