Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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